I have to burn calories on my commute?

Aug 21, 2011

in None

Subway mapSo this weekend I’m sneaking in some overtime hours at the ‘ole cubicle to stash $$ into the moving fund. Manning the cubie on a Sunday morning is a quiet solitary time and after the week I had I am a-ok with them apples. They should probably pay a monkey 3 bananas to do it, but instead, I just show up and its the same thing and my pay scale is only slightly higher what with the cost of fresh fruit these days.

But I digress…

I got caught up on some administrative business of my own this morning including RSVPing to my good friends (and very personal first) wedding shower. As an excessive planner I punched the address into Google maps to make sure that I knew just how far I was going to have to travel to shower my friends with wedding gifts. But then I thought, hey lemme check HopStop to make sure this isn’t one of those places in Brooklyn that you have to take the G train to get to. I hadn’t been on the site in a while since I’ve now lived in New York long enough to subscribe to the “I’ll-just-get-on-whatever-train-is-closest-and-go-from-there” mentality. Turns out I do take the Q like I thought. On a weekend. What a joy, it’ll probably turn into a shuttle bus or pony-express or maybe one of those hipster rickshaws and I’ll more likely get there around 6:30. Better late than never…

Trip breaksown from HopStop

BUT THEN I see down on the little section that says how long it’s going to take you ect… HopStop is now calculating how many calories your trip will burn. I laughed so hard, honestly, really? This is happening now? Unfortunately getting to the shower will only burn 28 calories. Maybe if I skip the bus portion and walk I can burn enough for snacks or an adult beverage for my non-married ass?

Then just for giggles I started seeing how many calories I “burn” going from place to place in my day-to-day life. For instance my commute to work in the morning travels 6.5 miles, takes 54 minutes, and burns 26 calories. See?

Calories burned on my commute to workHere are 5 things I think this calorie count does not take into consideration.

  1. explosive aneurism inducing anger bursts due to the bus being late and then two arriving at the same time
  2. dodging sidewalk hosing doormen
  3. glaring disapprovingly at “that guy” who insists on talking on his cell phone full volume at 8:00am
  4. nearly folding yourself in half so as to not have any part of your person touching the inconsiderate leg spreading man who sits down next to you!
  5. running to catch the arriving train whilst simultaneously digging out your metro card, balancing your coffee, checking twitter, saving your place in your book whilst swiping through, dodging at least 2 strollers down the stairs and weaving through the crowded platform to get to the end where you know you will exit immediately at the right stairs in order to avoid stray tourists looking for the history museum and squeezing past that fat guy to get the last seat on the side of the subway car without the eau de homeless man and all of his belongings.

So there you have it. I think I might need to work out a sophisticated algorithm to submit to HopStop so they can more accurately calculate the calories burned on the average morning inter-borough commute. This also explains why some mornings after I’ve had an especially harrowing commute that includes all 5 of the above I’m positively exhausted and ravished and can justify ordering a breakfast samich with  extra bacon from the deli on the corner. Delivered of course, I need my rest for the commute home.

? – b

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Sarah August 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

HA…… #5!!! Sooo true!!!!

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obe22 August 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I knew I loved you. I pretty much do all of these things on the bus…I avoid the train because it smells like homeless person and really sweaty people and my sense of smell is very intense, but probably more calories burned for walking to a bus stop a little further away in the 108? heat!

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coletto September 11, 2011 at 7:45 pm

I think #5 could be a money maker. Forget Zumba and boot-camps, there is a new nation excercise phenomenon lurking.

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B.Strave September 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Anything to avoid going to the actual gym. I’ll stick to yoga and commuting any day!

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